trusting

Into your hands, I commit my spirit.
-Luke 23:46

Learning how to TRUST today.
Apart from feelings, fears, chaos, confusion, HE remains constant.

He

I love because Christ loves me.
My move to Zambia in June isn't terrifying because the Lord will never leave me.
I will serve Zambian women because Christ has shown me how to serve through His life.
I'm obedient to His call because He loves me.
I understand hope because God has given me hope through the death & life of Jesus.
I choose to volunteer my life because God has shown me that my riches can only be found in Him.
I am, not for myself, but because I am His.
I'm not great. I'm sinful yet God has chosen me and lavished me with grace from the cross of Christ.
I choose Christ, but He chose me first.
I live for an audience of one.
I am not Clothed in Hope. I am Christ's. And Clothed in Hope is His.
He is everything.
He is love.
He is the ultimate servant.
He is hope.
He has chosen us.
He has died for us.
He pours out grace.
He equips and speaks.
He is life, abundant life.

sovereign

One year ago today I was confused, I was hurting, I was broken for the women and children of Zambia. I woke up each morning thinking about them, praying for them, desperately seeking God in a tender time in my life. I just prayed over and over that He would reveal His reasons with me, that He would carry me to a new place.

Today I sit writing this, amazed. In awe. At a loss for words. My God is sovereign, He's all-knowing, His timing is right. His promises are true. Just as He spoke Hebrews 10:23 into my heart so many times, I can look back today and know that His plan was better. Romans 8:28 isn't just a cliche verse but instead a glorious display of God's grace for us through Christ, His love for us, and that His intentions are ONLY good.

I look around this sewing room and see 6 garments hanging. 6 garments I designed and created for a fashion show on Sunday with all proceeds going directly to Clothed in Hope. This by itself is a miracle but I look to those 6 hangers and just see God's faithfulness to my heart. I'm not deserving, I'm not worthy of this. But rather God loves me, and is entrusting me to care for His children, the widows, the orphans of Zambia. And He's equipping me with every skill I need for this journey. Many times I get caught up in "how" when it comes to a difficulty but then I just look back to see HOW God has made a way!

He receives all the glory. It's all His.

hard

It's hard. It's extremely hard to receive news that Ng'ombe is out of water, that the people I think about and pray for daily are thirsty. The situation is life-threatening. It's not just a power outage or a flat tire. It's a water outage. The substance that provides and sustains life. My heart shatters when I think about the little ones so thirsty, walking miles to try to find a place to fill up their water cans, skipping school to do so. My heart aches for the women who are facing the reality of the situation, trying to keep hope alive in their families. Maybe this doesn't really resonate with many people. But try thinking of this being your family. Because it's mine. And it's God's.

I just received this text from my dear friend, Elina, this morning: "Ng'ombe is out of water and to make matters worse, the borehole is not working today. they need to repair it. i don't know when."

The desperation, the pain, the helplessness. I'm not there and I haven't lived through it so I can't pretend to know how it feels. But God has given me a compassionate heart for these people. When they hurt, I hurt. But most importantly- when they hurt, He hurts.

In a situation like this, all I can do is pray. There is no solution except for God.

Will you take a moment to just pray?

undeserving

Driving back from visiting a friend at UF yesterday, my mind had it's fair share of wandering throughout the 6 hour journey alone, with a broken iPod and an exhausted bunch of CD's. As I looked around I flashed back to 4 short months ago living in Ghana and visiting Zambia for a short while too. The differences are incredible. I've become numb to many of them (although passengers probably won't say the same from my overly-defensive driving at times due to the one-too-many accidents I was in this summer). Here's just a snapshot of differences that I can't quite get over yet:

1. Rather than dodging goats, people, cows, children, etc. my peripheral only has to focus on a stray deer or turkey on the side of the highway.
2. The personal space during travel is insane. I get a whole car to myself?! Far too different from sitting on stranger's laps in order for the minibus drivers to make a few extra cents.
3. I don't have to go into panic-mode at police checkpoints, fearing their corruption. This is huge.
4. Though personal space is a plus, it's impossible for me to travel on a 6 hour trip on just $10. But that's the price I pay for not having to change busses/cars over 5 times.
5. I get to pull of the highway, drive through and get a hot meal in a matter of minutes, free of worry about the condition of the food. I'm learning how to trust food again, after learning that the kebobs sold on the side of the road aren't beef or pork but are actually dog or some version of road kill. That'll make you lose your appetite.

These are all blessings. Things we overlook or take advantage of. Things I take for granted so many times. But what makes me different from an African besides where I was born and what family I was born into? Nothing. I'm completely undeserving of any blessing. I'm sinful and I'm broken. But still God chooses to lavish me with grace through no other means than Christ. Let's open our eyes to grace today. Let's cultivate thankful hearts.

jeremiah

Google "Jeremiah" and it'll try to guess which verse you want. And it'll guess that you're looking for Jeremiah 29:11.
{For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.}
Doesn't this say something about our culture as Westerners? The verse it guesses for us in Google is one of stability, long-term planning, addressing the issue of control. It's not wrong. It's pretty spot-on actually. Being back in America, I fall into this long-term thinking, worrying about the future rather than looking to what God wants for me today. It's so easy to get wrapped up in planning the future that I so often fail to let God plan my day.

When in Ghana, a Ghanaian and I were talking about the Bible and our favorite verses. He started the conversation with "Jeremiah..." and before he could finish I shouted out "29:11 right?!" He was confused and just let out a simple "no, it's not." He opened a Bible on an end table and read Jeremiah 33:3. {Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.}

Do I live in this sort of desperation? When everything is seemingly provided for me, or when I think that I provide for myself, how can my heart be calling out to Jesus? Africans have to live in this day-to-day uncertainty, clinging to a side of God that we rarely get to witness here in America due to our cluttered and overwhelming lifestyles. The God who provides, protects, answers, draws close, the God who LOVES.

Today, I pray for a desperate soul, one that cries to Jesus daily, one that stops looking months ahead and instead just looks up.

mine

On Saturday I was blessed to be a part of a most beautiful day. The wedding of one of my best friends, one 7 years in the making. High school sweethearts, David and Morgan were wed in the presence of friends and family on a gorgeous fall day on Lake Lanier. Beyond blessed, I stood to her left as a bridesmaid but was unprepared for the emotions that would flow over me within a matter of minutes. Watching Morgan walk down the steps, down the aisle, to her husband-to-be was incredible. But somehow I just couldn't get my eyes off of David. His huge smile with choked back tears, his nervousness and excitement, his reaction to seeing his bride take each step closer to a lifetime with him was breathtaking. As the pastor began with a short sermon, readings, and vows, my eyes were glued to David. I couldn't see Morgan's expressions or reactions since her back was to us, so instead I saw the entire wedding through David's eyes. I saw him wipe away tears of joy. I saw his humble smile. I saw his comforting hold on Morgan. I saw him light up as Morgan repeated the vows to him. I stood there amazed. This man loves her more than I can imagine. This man has waited for this day for seven years! This man was unashamed of his love for her and couldn't fight back the flood of emotions inside his heart. Nothing else in the world mattered. He was holding his bride and she was his. His bride loved him back with her whole heart and they were united to begin a lifetime together. This was an awe-inspiring moment that I can't even begin to describe.

I've seen my fair share of weddings as a TV wedding addict but never have I felt MY heart swell up like this one. Usually I sit on my couch just daydreaming of that special day but this moment was different than all others. Instead of reaching for this dream or even just experiencing joy with David and Morgan, my heart rejoiced. I have my own David. I have this man who loves me with his whole heart and is unashamed. I have this man who looks at me with sincerity, love, devotion, passion, kindness, and humility every second of the day. When I looked at David's eyes staring deeply into Morgan's, it all hit me. Jesus whispered to my heart, "YOU are MINE." Just as Morgan said an enthusiastic "yes!" after David's proposal over a year ago, I said YES when I realized the depths of Christ's love for me. But this love is one that will never be topped. David's inspiring passion for Morgan is just a glimpse of what Christ feels for ME and for YOU. Jesus sacrificed Himself for me, taking away all barriers, all hindrances, all darkness, in hopes that I would should out "YES" at His proposal. When I did, I entered into what has become the most beautiful relationship. Except that this one is never lacking. Sure I fall short, I yell at Him when I feel like things are unfair. But His love remains constant. He doesn't get frustrated back. He doesn't raise His voice. He doesn't give me the cold shoulder. He doesn't ever love me less than He did on that day that He gave everything for me. My groom is mine. And I am His. His gaze is forever on my heart. And as His bride, my heart's only response is to love. When my eyes meet His, and I see just how crazy He is for me, and how could it be anything else?! This man pursued me, this perfect man, God, and He fought for my heart. Now I get to spend a lifetime of loving Him and being loved perfectly in return. This tops even the greatest chick-flick.

On the day that Morgan walked up to her groom, I was graced with the ability to look deeper than ever into the eyes of mine, Christ.

The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him for He is your Lord.
Psalm 45:11