engaged (pt. 1)

I sense that there’s a huge, African-sized elephant in the room (or in this online world), and I want to share my personal life with y’all a bit to clear that up and let you share in all that God’s done in my relationship life.

For those of you who don’t know, this incredible man, Wyatt Bardi, got down on one knee on April 19 and asked me to marry him!!

Here he is. Handsome, hilarious, wise, humble, creative, steadfast, godly. My future husband.

But let’s rewind before we get into the details of our engagement and our future...

I started Clothed in Hope in January of 2011 after a broken heart led me deeper into the heart of Jesus. I took that leap of faith and I had to count the cost of this crazy thing I had stepped into. I knew CiH was God’s calling on my life for me to share His hope and love with the people of Zambia, but that’s the main calling I felt.

And I underestimated God’s ability to perform miracles and lavish abundant grace upon His children while I was narrowing my view of the future.

I concluded that His call on my life to Zambia meant sacrificing the one thing I had dreamt of since I pulled that plastic and pearl veil out of my dress-up box when I was 4 years old. That one thing that kept me up until 2am with my college girlfriends over a pan of brownies and Pinterest boards. Y’all can think this is crazy but I’ve always dreamt of being a wife. And I linked my “yes” to Zambia with a “no” to marriage.

I grieved the loss of that dream. But I knew deep down that I still desired a husband, a life partner, a best friend. It just couldn’t possibly happen now. It just didn’t make sense on the 5-year plan I mapped out in my mind. So I set that dream aside, I went on with my plans to leave for Zambia after I graduated, and I didn’t dare feed that desire that still burned within. If a desire isn’t reality then it must be wrong, right? Incorrect. God can plant desires within us that are good, even if they don’t come to be immediately. And I found that out last March.

For my last college spring break trip I had dreamt of going on a cruise with friends, but plans quickly changed when I was asked to be a student leader for my church’s college spring break trip to NYC. I mean, it’s NYC. How could I pass that up? And one last hoorah with the church that played such a huge role in developing and strengthening my faith in Truth and community. So I traded my bikini for a peacoat and agreed to co-lead 10 other college students through the streets and subways of New York City. Each female leader was matched with a male leader to compliment each other and provide healthy dynamics for the group, but I had just one issue. I didn’t know my co-leader.

Our first leader meeting arrived and I finally met this mysterious co-leader with mutual smiles and some corny jokes to break the ice. His name was Wyatt. A couple more leader hang outs and then we were off in a van for 16 hours to NYC with our group of 10 unique, dynamic, friendly, and fun students. Wyatt was the van DJ and I was the group mom, sharing my Sour Patch Kids and pretzels with anyone who even felt a tinge of hunger.

I knew I was to be single forever. Okay maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but I knew I was going to be single for years, so there wasn’t the usual tension of me liking Wyatt or vice versa. I was free to be his friend and his co-leader. And in that freedom I was so very encouraged. I witnessed a man lead others in life and to Jesus in a very real, honest and humble way. He protected us as we worked our way through the subway system. He led us in prayer. He checked in on my well being as his co-leader. He woke up early and stayed up late to be prepared for the day. He even walked me to my room after each long day. I saw Wyatt as a goofy guy, but as an incredible leader. And I noticed that we made an incredible team together. The more I stepped back out of my usual tendency to over-control and take charge of group activities, the more I witnessed how it should be. Wyatt stepped up and thrived in his role of leadership. He loved it and I loved getting to be on his team.

And at the end of a long day in NYC when the filter was long gone from my mind, I laid on my deflated air mattress in a hotel room with my 2 best friends and let slip out, “Guys, I think Wyatt is kinda cute.”

That’s where it all began. A fast friendship.  An encouraging, challenging, and Gospel-centered partnership as a team. Laughs till 2am. Intentional time sharing what God has done in our lives. Prayer. Oh and chatting almost all 16 hours of the van ride back after he (smoothly) changed seats to sit next to me. And best of all, discovering his shared passion for the continent that warms my soul- Africa.

I had entered the unknown. I hadn’t planned for this. I was supposed to be single. I looked for every excuse to run away out of fear of getting hurt again. I couldn’t tell him that I liked him too during our first date because I didn’t want to open the door of vulnerability. I had my plan in life and nothing was going to change that.

Little did I know that Jesus wanted to change it for our good. For His good. To create a team of two people who are better together than when they’re apart. To refine two people to be more like Himself through their differences.

On April 19, 2012, sitting in my little house in Columbia, SC after watching some good quality television (Swamp People), we decided to move forward with this relationship, walking into the biggest unknown yet. We knew I was leaving that July for an undetermined amount of time. But we also knew that if this was what God was calling us to, then this would be sustained and enriched by Him no matter the distance.

Jesus did in my life what I didn’t even think He could do. He proved His miracles are for His glory AND our good. Maybe they don’t always come in the form of a man and marriage, but in this case it did. Too many days I talk about our relationship as if it was normal but it’s everything but. Wyatt is God’s miracle in my life. My partner. My best friend. My teammate.

I knew Zambia was what God had for me but my limited scope kept me from seeing the big picture. The immeasurably more than all I could ask for or imagine. My plastic and pearl veil transforming into a real one. A love story that can only be attributed, created, and sustained by the Savior of the world. The most tangible way of experiencing His love through seeing how Wyatt loves me when I’m most undeserving. The Gospel on display. Two sinners united in grace for His glory and for their resulting joy.

I can’t wait to share with y’all all that the future holds for us. I’ll give y’all a little teaser for now and it includes three dates:

1.     Tomorrow (June 11)

2.     August 8, 2013

3.     November 9, 2013

Be on the lookout soon for part 2 but in the meantime, give God the glory He deserves in this miracle He’s performed in bringing one brokenhearted girl to a place of marriage with a man who humbly pursues the righteousness of God every single day, all by His grace and mercy. And just how much Jesus loves the two of them and you, regardless if the desires He’s planted in your soul have grown into reality just yet.