I wrote this journal entry on Good Friday and really wanted to share it with y'all. Usually my journal is filled with prayers but this particular entry is just a reflection of Truth, a reminder of who God is. So here it goes. Slightly frightening that you're about to read my real journal but I'm encouraged that God uses our vulnerability to allow His Spirit to work though us and others.
4/22.
Today Christ died for ME. God's Son- a part of the Trinity of God- let out a loud cry as He breathed His last breath, taking on the weight of sin of all people of the world for all time. We are called to lay it down. Come before the foot of the cross. God is just as disgusted with visual, blatant sins like immorality, gossip, murder, stealing, lying etc. as He is at my trying to "do good" or perform some sort of religious duties. Both of these deny the need for Christ and causes us to make Him out to be a liar. Christ died so we can stop trying to run away or earn righteousness. He died to bring us to God FOREVER, gift us with the Holy Spirit- God living inside of us- the very second we choose His life over our own. This Easter God's yelling "It's already been done! Stop trying! Just love me." Why do I require some sort of act to earn God when my debt has been paid in full 2000 years ago? It's not Old Testament times.
We live in a time of complete freedom in Christ. Free from animal sacrifices or striving for perfection or adhering to strict, seemingly unnecessary religious rules. This isn't an excuse to abuse the grace given to us through Christ's death and resurrection. Instead it's a motivator to love, to run into the arms of the One who saved us from eternal torture and has given us back a relationship with the Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe. It's a call to run to the cross, fall to our knees and cry out face down, repenting for trying to replace the need for Jesus. Would my life look different without Christ? I hope so. And I hope this is evident to others instead of masking it with some humanitarian, self-righteous facade. I am still just as sinful and gross and unworthy as before I allowed Christ to take the reigns of my life. Difference now is that through the blood of Christ God looks at me and sees Jesus! Not giving out bonus points for good deeds or slaps on the wrist for every little slip up. But He spares me eternal wrath and consequence of my sin by wrapping His arms around me just as He does to His Son. I am a child of God. I am covered by the sacrifice of Christ. My life is made to worship the One who pulled me out of darkness and has done this for all people of the world. To worship God for who He is rather than what He does in my life. God isn't just some personal counselor. He's in charge of all humanity, only seeking the worship of His people in return. And it's in that moment that we're able to be fully satisfied. Heaven isn't here but God lets us live with one foot in heaven by living a life devoted to Him, loving Him wholeheartedly.
I mess up. A lot. But instead of trying to pull myself up by my boot straps into some false righteousness, I just have to throw up my arms to give glory where its due- to the Almighty God. The Sovereign Lord who chose US to live NOW in the freedom of Christ. He did all the work. He took the pain. He bore the full wrath of God. He lived perfectly in all these things so we don't even have to try to. The response of the Gospel isn't complacency but obedience out of love. I wake up every morning in need of this reminder. Christianity isn't a cultural thing. It's a relationship with the God who saved YOUR soul forever, the One who sent His own Son to be sacrificed to take on the weight of the things we just can't seem to carry.
This Easter, God is telling me to stop trying. It's been done in full. I only owe a proper response- complete devotion and wholehearted love for my Savior. Every single person on this earth has been saved by Christ. Every single one. Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." What greater love is out there? I dare you to find one. And I know that you won't. The man who walked in front of my car in the drive-through lane? Christ died for him. His purpose in life is to worship God. The Holy Spirit- received upon acceptance of Christ- hit me upside the head when I saw this one man months back. One average, ordinary man. The Holy Spirit spoke to me to say that God loves THAT man. God sent Christ for THAT man. God's heart aches for THAT man to come back to Him. The divide between us and god has already been made right; it's no longer. Not by our efforts but by Christ alone. I pray that this soaks into the depths of my heart and changes how I live my everyday life, where I find my satisfaction, where I get my life motivation.
Christ ALONE has made the way. There is no other way. No longer can we complain that we're confused with the future or stress about what to do. God's made it obvious. Our purpose is to love God and worship Him with our lives. And we can do this at any place in any country with any group of people. He just wants our hearts and He'll take care of the rest.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
friendship
God places people in our lives for a reason. I've always believed this but I thought it would only apply to the people who just seem to "fit" with me- high school friends, sorority sisters, etc. I think we tend to befriend those most similar to ourselves when really that limits us. Who knows if it'll be the drive-through cashier, quirky professor, or person sitting on the last row at church that will be the person to imprint our lives forever. For me it was at Copperbelt University in Kitwe, Zambia (about 7 hours bus ride from Lusaka). I'm sure you probably think I talk about Zambia way too much but truth is, I firmly believe it's still so present in my life because God wants it to be. And I think this story proves it.
We went to the University pretty much just hours after arriving in Lusaka from Chicago in hopes of sharing the Gospel: that we're sinful people separated from God, who sent His perfect, holy, blameless Son to take the wrath for all of our sins in order that we are able to be in friendship with the God of the Universe through Jesus Christ. We don't deserve this, but God chooses to extend grace to us as a gift. All it takes to enjoy this gift is to admit our sin and turn from it through proclaiming Jesus as the center of our lives. We don't have to become perfect, or be involved in 5 Bible Studies, or give money to the poor- though these things are sometimes an incredible way to express our love for God. Wellll way off subject but not really. Anyways, it was so humbling to be chosen to share this incredible news with college students at Copperbelt University to many of whom were involved with black magic and suffocating religion that forced them into a to-do list to "reach" God. I heard that Zambian people are amazingly welcoming but wouldn't believe it till I saw it. It was only a matter of hours before I saw it for what it really was.
I was invited into a college dorm room- if you can even call it that- that sleeps 6 with two twin beds and a mat on the floor. I couldn't imagine living in these conditions, much less thinking of them as luxuries. These students are the brightest and usually the wealthiest out of all students throughout Zambia. They have been waiting their entire lives to be at this University. This first room I was invited into I was given a spot of the bed to sit on and offered a glass of punch. The girls were fascinated with American culture and had so many questions. They were receptive to what we had to say and loved just talking about Christianity. It wasn't some battle of which view is right or wrong but instead an open forum for questions to gain a greater understanding of Truth. These particular girls are Chomba and Mwansa. They were so very hospitable and we just sat for over 3 hours laughing, reading through the Gospel, listening to Zambian music and even given dance lessons. I knew I wouldn't be able to forget these girls. We were invited back for more Zambian dancing and a homemade dinner of nshima and vegetables. But we were just strangers a few days back to them! When the Bible says to practice hospitality, that's what they did. And it was mind-blowing that these college women who had nothing but one suitcase for all semester were offering up their time and food to me.
This moment came and went quickly as we had to say our goodbyes to get back to Lusaka to our house there. I came back with a new Zambian pop CD and a couple of email addresses in hand. And that was it.
Around January, I really felt a tug on my heart to follow-up with the girls I had met just to see how I could be praying for them, maybe even offering some encouragement to them that had been so comforting to me throughout the roughness of fall semester. I didn't hear anything back for a while but then got emails from both girls! Again, I figured this would fizzle out but I was wrong. Just this morning I received an email from Chomba, one of many many emails that have gone back and forth. Sometimes we email everyday, sometimes a couple times a month. I thought it was my "job" to encourage Chomba but really she's been so encouraging to me. She's shown me the simplicities of the Gospel and the beauty of friendship. I thought Chomba and I were just two people writing letters to each other but failed to recognize that God had chosen us, thousands of miles apart and cultures apart, to be friends.
I would like to share part of her email from yesterday morning and this morning in hopes that you can also be inspired by the power of God to bring people together and to change hearts. Here are excerpts from that as her testimony. You may have to read it out loud to get the wording/phrasing of the email:
Yesterday:
Biologically m(I'm) an omly(only) child my parents died when i was very young. I
have stayed i alot of home and treated differently, mostly bad, but i
guess it was Gods plan so that i can be a better person.
M(I'm) currently staying with an uncle and auntie who i have grown to
acacept as my parents, M related to my uncle but m more close to the
wife than him.
I have grown up to please people owez(always) because like that they will
accpt you in their families, I have to work hard at sku(school) for them to
continue footing my school bills, i have to work hard at home to
impress them so that im accepted,,,,blah,blah.
Thank God m findng myself now, but the life i have gone thru has
taught me to be kind and loving.
i want o finish my sku(school) and be independent and support my
siblings, i have a passion in sewing and i wnt to take it up seriously
wen m done wit sku. I wnt to found a home for the homeless boys, bcoz(because)
i blive(believe) if we take care of the boy child there will be less crime on
the streets.
I wnt to find a loving man who i can get married to later.
Today:
Hey swt friend, i pray that God continues to guide you in your ways
and in everything you do so that i can continue having a great friend
that i haave in you.
Imagine wen i went to college i met a guy who
taught me all the bad things that there is. He used to tell me that it
cant be life if m always thinking about other people but me.
He left me when he started doing fine in life and told me he wasnt my
class. I went through a patch of self pity and often felt so ugly and
lost my self esteem the more. Afterwards i met a christian guy who
couldnt forgive my past and kept reminding me of my past, he used to
encourage me to seek God and i later realised, probably God sent him
to me for that purpose. We broke up just after some months.
Right now i wnt to devote my life to God alone.
Let's work to get back to the first love, there we will see Jesus
speaking right in our faces and we will hear him clearly.
I thank God for your family and will continue praying that He
continues being with you.
Love YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
It's a beautiful thing to see how God has been radically working in her heart even since I met her last summer and how He's used us in each others' lives. She's been able to speak so much truth to me as I have to her, and we both are able to push each other towards Christ. Pen pals? I guess you could say that. But sisters in Christ? Absolutely. And I'm beyond grateful for her life. Please pray for Chomba, living a completely different life than any can imagine here but struggling with the same heart issues as all of us. We all serve the same God no matter what country we're in. Praise God that He knows it all and that His timing is beyond perfect.
We went to the University pretty much just hours after arriving in Lusaka from Chicago in hopes of sharing the Gospel: that we're sinful people separated from God, who sent His perfect, holy, blameless Son to take the wrath for all of our sins in order that we are able to be in friendship with the God of the Universe through Jesus Christ. We don't deserve this, but God chooses to extend grace to us as a gift. All it takes to enjoy this gift is to admit our sin and turn from it through proclaiming Jesus as the center of our lives. We don't have to become perfect, or be involved in 5 Bible Studies, or give money to the poor- though these things are sometimes an incredible way to express our love for God. Wellll way off subject but not really. Anyways, it was so humbling to be chosen to share this incredible news with college students at Copperbelt University to many of whom were involved with black magic and suffocating religion that forced them into a to-do list to "reach" God. I heard that Zambian people are amazingly welcoming but wouldn't believe it till I saw it. It was only a matter of hours before I saw it for what it really was.
I was invited into a college dorm room- if you can even call it that- that sleeps 6 with two twin beds and a mat on the floor. I couldn't imagine living in these conditions, much less thinking of them as luxuries. These students are the brightest and usually the wealthiest out of all students throughout Zambia. They have been waiting their entire lives to be at this University. This first room I was invited into I was given a spot of the bed to sit on and offered a glass of punch. The girls were fascinated with American culture and had so many questions. They were receptive to what we had to say and loved just talking about Christianity. It wasn't some battle of which view is right or wrong but instead an open forum for questions to gain a greater understanding of Truth. These particular girls are Chomba and Mwansa. They were so very hospitable and we just sat for over 3 hours laughing, reading through the Gospel, listening to Zambian music and even given dance lessons. I knew I wouldn't be able to forget these girls. We were invited back for more Zambian dancing and a homemade dinner of nshima and vegetables. But we were just strangers a few days back to them! When the Bible says to practice hospitality, that's what they did. And it was mind-blowing that these college women who had nothing but one suitcase for all semester were offering up their time and food to me.
This moment came and went quickly as we had to say our goodbyes to get back to Lusaka to our house there. I came back with a new Zambian pop CD and a couple of email addresses in hand. And that was it.
Around January, I really felt a tug on my heart to follow-up with the girls I had met just to see how I could be praying for them, maybe even offering some encouragement to them that had been so comforting to me throughout the roughness of fall semester. I didn't hear anything back for a while but then got emails from both girls! Again, I figured this would fizzle out but I was wrong. Just this morning I received an email from Chomba, one of many many emails that have gone back and forth. Sometimes we email everyday, sometimes a couple times a month. I thought it was my "job" to encourage Chomba but really she's been so encouraging to me. She's shown me the simplicities of the Gospel and the beauty of friendship. I thought Chomba and I were just two people writing letters to each other but failed to recognize that God had chosen us, thousands of miles apart and cultures apart, to be friends.
I would like to share part of her email from yesterday morning and this morning in hopes that you can also be inspired by the power of God to bring people together and to change hearts. Here are excerpts from that as her testimony. You may have to read it out loud to get the wording/phrasing of the email:
Yesterday:
Biologically m(I'm) an omly(only) child my parents died when i was very young. I
have stayed i alot of home and treated differently, mostly bad, but i
guess it was Gods plan so that i can be a better person.
M(I'm) currently staying with an uncle and auntie who i have grown to
acacept as my parents, M related to my uncle but m more close to the
wife than him.
I have grown up to please people owez(always) because like that they will
accpt you in their families, I have to work hard at sku(school) for them to
continue footing my school bills, i have to work hard at home to
impress them so that im accepted,,,,blah,blah.
Thank God m findng myself now, but the life i have gone thru has
taught me to be kind and loving.
i want o finish my sku(school) and be independent and support my
siblings, i have a passion in sewing and i wnt to take it up seriously
wen m done wit sku. I wnt to found a home for the homeless boys, bcoz(because)
i blive(believe) if we take care of the boy child there will be less crime on
the streets.
I wnt to find a loving man who i can get married to later.
Today:
Hey swt friend, i pray that God continues to guide you in your ways
and in everything you do so that i can continue having a great friend
that i haave in you.
Imagine wen i went to college i met a guy who
taught me all the bad things that there is. He used to tell me that it
cant be life if m always thinking about other people but me.
He left me when he started doing fine in life and told me he wasnt my
class. I went through a patch of self pity and often felt so ugly and
lost my self esteem the more. Afterwards i met a christian guy who
couldnt forgive my past and kept reminding me of my past, he used to
encourage me to seek God and i later realised, probably God sent him
to me for that purpose. We broke up just after some months.
Right now i wnt to devote my life to God alone.
Let's work to get back to the first love, there we will see Jesus
speaking right in our faces and we will hear him clearly.
I thank God for your family and will continue praying that He
continues being with you.
Love YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
It's a beautiful thing to see how God has been radically working in her heart even since I met her last summer and how He's used us in each others' lives. She's been able to speak so much truth to me as I have to her, and we both are able to push each other towards Christ. Pen pals? I guess you could say that. But sisters in Christ? Absolutely. And I'm beyond grateful for her life. Please pray for Chomba, living a completely different life than any can imagine here but struggling with the same heart issues as all of us. We all serve the same God no matter what country we're in. Praise God that He knows it all and that His timing is beyond perfect.
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