twenty

Things I've learned so far: 

1. International missionaries are incredible people, especially the Carr family.

2. Clean is a relative thing. My lion’s mane head of hair will never be fully clean with a bucket bath, no matter how I contort myself or what methods I try.

3. Salome, the Carr’s daughter, loves to pick the wings off of flies and watch them walk around

4. German Shepherds aren’t so bad, especially when they’re protecting your life day and night

5. It’s illegal to drive with your child in the front seat. Unless it’s raining, then it’s okay (not kidding)

6. When someone hands you what looks like chocolate candy, you’ve gotta sniff first to make sure it’s not mystery jerky. Or else you’re eating hippo or some other exotic game animal.

7. Communication is accessible, but it’s also seemingly impossible.

8. I will forever be ripped off and charged the mzungu price

9. Zambian sunsets are still one of my most favorite things on earth

10. Anything goes.

11. Allow at least 2 hours for anything and don’t plan more than 2 things per day.

12. As strange as things are and as difficult as they may seem, nothing is ever completely impossible. It may just cost a ton.

13. I’m capable of speaking with a pretty awful fake Zambian accent. But it works.

14. I’ll probably never feel comfortable withdrawing an amount that reads in millions.

15. The screaming at dawn I thought was hundreds of men turns out to be just hundreds of roosters. Insanity.

16. Monkeys are actually here in Lusaka, but only behind some fence by the highway to the airport.

17. My understanding of culture and this country is very, very limited. And I enjoy more than anything just soaking it all in.

18. Diet Coke is here thankfully, but it tastes so much better so the “light” is probably relative and it’s probably just as sugary as Coke.

19. My butchering of the Nyanja language provides hours of entertainment for Zambians.

20. These next few months will be just fine. Better than fine actually. 

requests

Dear friends!

It seems like I'm posting a ton, but it's only like a few minutes here and there that I can knock out some emails and keep everyone updated. So of course I'm down to the wire with internet again. Only 5 minutes remaining so here goes!

There is so so so much goodness going on here. Humbling. Inspiring. Encouraging.

God's met me right where I'm at, incapable and a little bit overwhelmed, to show me that He's got every last detail worked out. This isn't a fantasy I've created in my head, but it's His plan, His calling that I've gotten to say "YES" to.

Here are just a few prayer requests for the next couple of days:
1. Our training program is underway! We'd love to see community strengthened between the women through work. Not just sessions and education but relationships and encouragement.
2. We're going downtown to begin the filing process to see CiH as an official Zambian NGO (this is HUGE!). This would mean anyone (including YOU) could come to Zambia under CiH to volunteer and further the cause of hope and empowerment in this place. It would open up 5 million doors for this organization and cause.
3. We just got a call from IJM here who wants to meet at 11:30am on Friday to discuss possible partnerships with their aftercare program for widows. Again, HUGE.
4. We have put ourselves in a ton of strange eating situations, all humbling as we're served by the seemingly most poor, but really most rich in faith. We still are in perfect health, sleeping great, so if you could continue to pray over this, we would so appreciate it.
5. Mark has just one week left. We're trying to create a plan for the long-term in his absence, but I would also love for him to experience the best of this culture with his time left.

Thank you thank you thank you for praying for CiH, the women, Ng'ombe and for us. You are just as much a part of this as I am, and I hope you can get just as excited to hear that God is HERE and He's also so excited about all of this!

Blessings,
Amy

winter

It's winter here. A good ole South Carolina style winter. Minus heaters and an abundance of cocoa and coffee. But it's beautiful. I wake up every morning bundled up in layers under a stack of blankets feeling the cool air from the open windows wisp around the room. You know that feeling when you're so warm and cozy and just don't want to put your feet on the ground quite yet? Yea that's it, and it's actually so comforting. Every morning I brace myself for the bucket bath to come and boy is that an awkward experience. I'm starting to develop an appreciation for contortionists. Anywho, winter. Who knew in the middle of July, a warm vanilla latte would be the greatest little treasure, and that my Patagonia would never leave my side. Daytime warms up a bit but just as soon as that sun comes down, time to bundle up again. It'll be summer here soon enough and from what I've heard, it'll warm up in no time! Time to embrace and enjoy the crisp air, hot Rooibos tea, and coziness of winter. Enjoy your summertime full of ice cold lemonade, bathing suits, and lake days. There's beauty in every season.

miracles

You wouldn't think that God would come and perform some pretty legit miracle on my second day here but surprise! He did! Elina's family has been suffering for a while, beyond poverty even. There's another water crisis. The well next to her house is dry and chained up. The landlord said to get out of the house by month's end, giving them just a few days until their homeless. All houses are extremely expensive due to demand in Ng'ombe and outside control. Elina's school sweater business has been suffering. Regardless, she continues to give and bless people with her faith, like surprising Mark and me with a huge nshima, beans and greens lunch! Today I was at Elina's all day. We chatted about CiH, did some costing at the market and looked for houses. By the end, we felt defeated. Helpless. How do you make a house appear out of nowhere? My personality is to fix it. But in that moment the Spirit said to be still, to tell Him what we want. So walking through Ng'ombe I had the joy of praying beside Elina for divine provision of housing. The amen finished and I didn't think much else of it. Fast forward to the FIRST official meeting with CiH women who we all adore. Pastor Brian attended in hopes of getting involved more and provided great insight and encouragement. He knew of the CiH meeting last year and started our greeting with "The Lord has been faithful to His promises." Hello. This is incredible. Hebrews 10:23 is my fav ever, but the magnitude and weight hit me in that moment he said it. God, the creator of the universe, made CiH! And He's promises it to His people as a means of survival and hope, and He's brought it to existence today. Soak that in for a hot second. Okay back to Elina and the miracle. With one short conversation with an organization in the States, Elina's rent is paid for at a huge house. In full. Done. We prayed that God would provide abundantly today but sometimes I don't think I believe it. Journalig just now, I realized how amazingly miraculous this is. God provided something out of nothing in the middle of nowhere for a woman He loves SO much! Elina will not be homeless. She will have and have abundantly with running water, electricity, bathrooms and a gate. Praise Jesus. I wish you all could be here to soak in the miracle but I promise you He's doing them everywhere, not just here.

weighty

(Disclaimer: this is a doozy. aka quite lengthy. Read it when you’ve got a few minutes to ponder & pray, like really read it. Save the skimming for some other ones. J)

As I’m sitting on an airplane back from a whirlwind of cities and adventures, I reflect back to the past week. It’s been filled with frustrations, heart hurt at the news of even more difficulties for Elina’s family, disappointment, and discontentment. All adventures aside, there’s much more going on lately with the huge trip less than 2 weeks away. And to be honest, sometimes my soul just feels weary. Tired. Worn. I pray to Jesus for comfort and healing, for a word amidst the chaos. I read His Word so thirsty for relief and a deeper understanding of who this God is.

And I sit here with a realization, one I’ve come across times before, but one that might just allow for my soul to rest. And for me to understand more of my Maker’s perfect, holy, loving, gracious, merciful heart towards me and toward all of His children.

What if God allows me to experience frustrations so that I can come to understand that His heart is the ONLY thing that matters? I’m not saying He causes my pain. I choose difficulty when I cling to circumstances, people, or outcomes in hopes that they’ll quench my thirst.

I look to God for provision to signal relief, rather than looking to Him as relief regardless of any detail, hardship, or weightiness that may be lingering around in my life. I let my disappointment shape my perception of God. But really?! That’s so lame. But I do.

What if I were to venture to say that Jesus wants more for my heart than I think I can provide for it myself? I understand cultural notion that we should always smile and be happy, but sometimes things just seem a bit more complex than that. Situations call for lament and brutal honesty with ourselves. Grieving. Whether it’s grieving the loss of a dream, or grieving a missed opportunity, or an unmet expectation. Or if you wanna go deeper, it could honestly be anything we thought we deserved of God when we don’t deserve anything at all.  It hurts when it doesn’t happen, we can just be real and admit that.

What if by my kicking and screaming, my temper-tantruming, though seemingly ridiculous but is actually quite purposeful in seeing Truth, is God’s way of showing me the depth of His love? He lets me fail by my own way, He lets these weighty life issues linger over my head, or pass on by without feeling satisfied at the outcome of them, so that I can see the BIGGER issue.

Grace. Riches. Abundant love. Purpose. Mercy. Justice. Provision. Miraculous wonders. Joy. Satisfaction. Peace. Safety. Redemption. Restoration. Hope.

…Jesus.

Sorry I’m not sorry for spilling my guts out on this one. Some may think the preparation for a 12 week trip to an African nation is all butterflies and ponies, but I would like to open your eyes to truth. Sometimes it is. Most times it’s not. It’s complicated, messy, scary, difficult, thrilling, never-ending in the lessons learned. News flash: I’m a human, a sinful one. But one who has HOPE in her Savior, and one who has been forgiven greatly, completely undeserving of it but completely made new by mercy and grace in Christ.  So in my crap I can admit that I fall way short and that big, bold, leaps of faith are sometimes frightening. But how would it be a LEAP without it?

My prayer for me, for you, for your family, your friends, is that we don’t see the goal, the next step, the friendships, the issues, the glaring injustices, or even the ministry as weighty, but that we see the heart of Jesus as weighty. As redeeming, protecting, loving, so incredibly beautiful and perfect. As all you’ll ever need in this life. Ever. It’s a big prayer. But I think we’re ready for it, ready as we’ll ever be. 

thirsty

It's the Fourth of July, a day of celebration, family, good food, and an appreciation for our abundance and our freedom.

Why do we celebrate? I know I've celebrated a nice plate of BBQ, deep-rooted traditions of lakeside fireworks in my hometown, and a nice big cup of sweet tea. But have I ever really understood the value of freedom?

I'm at my home in Cary, NC and things have been quite interesting the past few days. First our air conditioning blew on the main floor, last night the refrigerator stopped working, and now our upstairs air conditioning just gave out. Talk about a relaxing holiday, right? I'm the first to complain of the hardship to walk down to the fridge in our basement, complaining of the terrible inconvenience this is. Or talk about how hot 82 feels in my room. But aren't I still free? I don't mean this to be some guilt trip blog post aimed to condemn our wealth, but rather a perspective check for myself.

I have a roof over my head. I have a bed to sleep on, a real nice one. I have a full closet. I have a supportive family. I have a faith that cannot be shaken. I have a Savior who forgives and redeems and loves fiercely. I have shoes. I have plenty of food in my pantry. I could go on and on about the things I have.

My world got rocked this morning waking up to this text from Elina, one of my dear, dear friends in the Ng'ombe compound in Lusaka, whose story can be found at www.clothedinhope.org/stories.

"Hi Amy, how are you? last year we experienced a water shortage. we are facing the same problem again... the water situation is not ok. the children wake up very early in the morning only to have a chance to draw water in the afternoon. children are complaining as you know this is winter and they wake up as early as 04:00hrs."

This means this family is thirsty. Desperate. Facing extreme difficulty, one we will never be able to imagine. The kids have to go out in the 40 degree dark morning for the chance to fill up a bucket of unclean drinking water, but water nonetheless, risking their lives for this chance at provision for their family for that day. I don't know if we can quite understand this. The kids could be taken or hurt if they go alone at 4am. But they could become severely dehydrated with the possibility of death if they do not go. And it's not just 8 of them. It's 80,000 in Ng'ombe. 80,000.

Why? What happens now?

My heart screams at this injustice. Hurts. Shatters to the core. WHY?! I frantically just emailed every well-drilling organization I could get my hands on, even Jef from the Bachelorette's organization (talk about desperation, right?!). I screamed out for help, for someone to listen to this need and do something about it.

I googled verses that I could post that would soothe this pain. My soul is thirsty for an answer, for something to be done.

My Father knows. He screams, hurts, shatters to the core. He hates sin, the sin that makes my dear friends lives be so difficult. He rejoices in their hope, in their reliance on Him. But He is angry at their suffering. He is crying at their physical thirst and immense need.

I can't do anything from here. Except keep praying. And keep searching for open doors. God wants to help, I know He does. And He says that He uses us as His hands and feet. He provides opportunity to express His heart.

Can you help? Email me! Can you pray? Do it. Can you take a second today to consider just what freedom means, what thirst means, and open your heart to see more of God's heart? You won't regret it.

listen

At the beach this past week, I was brought to a place to discover the answer to this:

"Why do we clutter our lives with everything and why can't we just stop... and listen?"

What are we afraid of?

That we may not like what we hear being spoken to us?
That we are so insecure in who we are that we have to find approval everywhere except with Who it matters?
That God may ask us to do something TOO big?
That He may tell us He loves us TOO much?
That we may have to face our sin to tell it that Jesus has already overcome it?
That His call on our life may be TOO scary?

I think we're all entirely too immersed in social media and clutter, and I'll be the first to admit it. With my iPhone, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, texting, calls, 3 different email accounts, there's always a place to find distraction. A place to suppress the voice inside.

Maybe Africa seems so appealing to Americans when it comes to international missions because we can't choose these distractions there. We can't replace authenticity in life with a cluttered facade there. We have to hear. What would happen if we sought to listen here and now? If we could quiet ourselves long enough to hear that God wants so much more for us than what we choose for ourselves- more love, more joy?

Maybe it's scary. Maybe we think the Holy Spirit might ask something from us that seems too intense, too uncomfortable, too crazy, too out there, too difficult.

Or maybe we're choosing that for ourselves by refusing to listen.