today

Today was something else. A test. A victory. A million emotions wrapped up into one.

At 9am I met up with Elina, Pastor Brian, and the 2 sellers of the facility that will become the Chikondi Community Center. Upon coming back to Zambia, I made it my top priority to make sure this happens quickly (relatively) and completely so that things can move on and progress. I'm ready to open those doors.

Little did I know, today would show me more about myself and Zambia than I anticipated. Especially when I only ate that little granola bar for breakfast expecting to have a long lunch break and make it to the bank before training started at 14hrs. (Spoiler alert: neither lunch nor the bank happened)

After meeting up with the other 4, we stepped into a building just a few "blocks" down from Elina's house in Ng'ombe, the local council run by the Zambian government, known for its corruption. What a way to start the day. The process of stamping one paper required a million copies, which had to be done further in the compound in the marketplace across from the tomato stands. Just a copy machine in a concrete room, and they charge something like 10 cents a copy. Not too shabby. Anywho, one and a half hours later, we left the building to make our payment. Rather than pay at the local council and risk it never getting downtown, we chose to go downtown ourselves to hand the payment directly to the one who writes the receipts. Forgive the details, or lack thereof, but this process would take 25 pages just to describe it in detail. The basic point of today: we needed to secure Change of Ownership documents to turn the facility over to the local branch of Clothed in Hope.

So downtown. Two minibuses away from Ng'ombe so we hop on. I sit in the back row, a 4' seat with 4 people squished back there. Though I'm sure the space we each naturally take up is a liiitle bigger than a ruler. The rains came this morning so it cleared off for a beautiful minibus ride through the bulk of Lusaka. I enjoyed looking out the window, cool breeze flowing through the bus, Nyanja spoken by everyone but me, and just enter my little world of observations for a hot second. Lusaka is much more than slum compounds, dirt roads and weird copy shops. There is so, so much more. Cruising by, bumping along pot holes and swerving around bikers, the bus took me on a nice tour. There were the cages of chickens on the side of the road, kinda like a twisted drive through. Like lobster in tank at seafood restaurants meets McDonalds. Yea that weird. Especially when the chickens are merchandised next to security bars for windows. Quite the scene. Entering downtown we swerved around the crazy roundabouts and there were so many men selling Zambia merchandise for the huge game tonight. The men walk from car to car blowing horns and shoving Zambia scarves in the line of sight. One merchant was taking a break, drinking from the water hose that was watering the government-funed garden in the roundabout. Some details just stop me in my tracks. Like that one. Imply what you want, but for me it seemed a little messed up. Just like the NGO vehicles that are some of the nicest on the road expensing out at around $50,000. I wasn't angry on my bus ride, just observant. Loving learning more about this country that I call home. Loving learning about the lifestyles of its people.

We arrive downtown. I'm not really invited to say anything all day by the officials. Pastor Brian speaks on my behalf, just as the man accompanying the seller of the house. Women don't have a say. It's just something to get used to. But I am so thankful for that man sent to CiH from Jesus, who advocates for the vulnerable and for Clothed in Hope.

The process, which was planned to take just minutes downtown, turned into a 6-hour ordeal. Y'all. SIX HOURS. Stamps here. Copies there. Offices there. All in one major office. It was insane. We got so close then the door slammed in our face and it was lunch break. An entire hour. So we waited. And I pondered. I was drained. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Beyond confused with the whole process. I felt like I was just being dragged along this insane adventure. I was hungry. No lunch for us. Ants fell on my face. I got kicked out of my seat so a man could sweep the dirt from the porch. It was an afternoon I won't forget but don't necessarily want to. So yea. My patience wore thin. I wanted out but I wanted to finish.

So I prayed. Jesus, give me strength. I'm past exhausted. And He gave life. He lifted my chin and said just a bit further. In these times it's easy for me to see how much I'm inconvenienced. Someone else should be doing this work for me. But what?! Jesus loves me SO much. Why do I think love comes cheap? Why do I think love comes with shortcuts?! I'm pretty sure Jesus felt pain on that cross He hung from to save my life and the lives of all in this world. It's not a guilt trip, but a beautiful revelation. Jesus loves me THAT much. He loves these people who will get to see and know Him at the Chikondi Community Center THAT much.

There weren't doves flying around. Or lightbulbs going off. Just a sigh of relief that I'm not alone. That I don't have to give myself the strength I need. I can be completely limp and Jesus will sustain me. I can feel completely unloving and Jesus will graciously reveal His great love in my soul.

I realized that the saying "love until it hurts" might just be a little off. How about "love past the hurt." There are no limits to the love of Jesus. It doesn't come from us. It flows through us. Nothing extraordinary happened today. We just got a paper stamped after 7+ hours of an ordeal. But I got to chat with Pastor Brian as a real person, not just a helper for CiH. I got to sit and ponder the extravagant, painful, costly, challenging, heart-exploding, eye-opening, beautiful love of Jesus as guinea hens ran through the yard on the office grounds and Zambians flocked to the conference room nearby to have a lunch-break church.

Let's love past the hurt. Let's realize that love came and comes with sacrifice. God loves us THAT much that He gave His Son up for us. Let's see that Jesus is so much more than our agenda, our time constraints, our conceptions, and our expectations. I'm convinced of this: the more you risk for love, the more you find love. Because it never runs out.