joy

So it's obviously been quite a while since I've posted. But that absence of words doesn't portray an absence of thoughts in my mind. Over the past month, I've been wrestling with so many parts of CiH that just seem... impossible. Looking at the big picture and the daunting funds needed and the checklist of items that just don't seem to get checked off, I easily got sidetracked. I got distracted from the purpose of Clothed in Hope, the purpose of life. To LOVE and to receive LOVE from our Lover, Savior, Rescuer, Provider, Healer, all things good and perfect in the Lord.

I attended the Passion Conference in Atlanta for the third time just a couple of weeks ago and honestly I wasn't expecting much. I felt I had already experienced the heart awakening for the nations by the grace of God opening my eyes to the needs of the world and our responsibility to meet them with the love of Jesus. Standing to worship in another session, I was hit by a truck- with this song, one I've heard a million times over.



Except this time was so different than any other time before. If you watch the video you'll see that people from all across the world sang this in worship in their native language with a full heart and in full joy of the truth of this song. Even sweet little ones from Uganda stood up there singing to our God with more passion than I've felt in my heart in quite some time. It was in that moment that God reached down to my heart in grace.

He showed me that serving Him in Zambia through Clothed in Hope isn't a burden. It isn't impossible. He's ordained this and He's before all things and causes all things to happen. He's here to carry my load when it feels too heavy to bear. He's here to hold my hand when I feel no one else cares. He's not just here for me. He's LET me see the needs of Zambia; He's LET me know the hearts of dear Zambian women and children to LET me in on HIS PURPOSE: to make His glory known to all people through the immeasurable love of Christ in a slum in Lusaka, Zambia. That's it.

Too often I view the daily tasks of Clothed in Hope as a burden and lack the sugar coating of explanations when people ask me about it. But it was in that moment God shook me and showed me through His intense love, mercy and grace that this is all a GIFT and that swells my heart up with intense joy to think that the God of the Universe, the One who knows every person on earth, has CHOSEN me to bring hope to the hopeless. He has CHOSEN ME- a doubting, selfish, ridiculous college student to carry His name to Zambia. Just let that soak for a hot second.

Our "burdens", our "crosses to bear" aren't without purpose. They aren't only hardships for the sense of being refined into this great Christian. They're God's ultimate plan to USE us though He doesn't need us. They're God's grace to let us SEE what He's doing in our workplaces, in our homes, across the nations, though He doesn't need to show us at all. They're God's method of letting us partake in HIS holiness though we are far from it. Now that just wells my heart up with immeasurable joy.

trusting

Into your hands, I commit my spirit.
-Luke 23:46

Learning how to TRUST today.
Apart from feelings, fears, chaos, confusion, HE remains constant.

He

I love because Christ loves me.
My move to Zambia in June isn't terrifying because the Lord will never leave me.
I will serve Zambian women because Christ has shown me how to serve through His life.
I'm obedient to His call because He loves me.
I understand hope because God has given me hope through the death & life of Jesus.
I choose to volunteer my life because God has shown me that my riches can only be found in Him.
I am, not for myself, but because I am His.
I'm not great. I'm sinful yet God has chosen me and lavished me with grace from the cross of Christ.
I choose Christ, but He chose me first.
I live for an audience of one.
I am not Clothed in Hope. I am Christ's. And Clothed in Hope is His.
He is everything.
He is love.
He is the ultimate servant.
He is hope.
He has chosen us.
He has died for us.
He pours out grace.
He equips and speaks.
He is life, abundant life.

sovereign

One year ago today I was confused, I was hurting, I was broken for the women and children of Zambia. I woke up each morning thinking about them, praying for them, desperately seeking God in a tender time in my life. I just prayed over and over that He would reveal His reasons with me, that He would carry me to a new place.

Today I sit writing this, amazed. In awe. At a loss for words. My God is sovereign, He's all-knowing, His timing is right. His promises are true. Just as He spoke Hebrews 10:23 into my heart so many times, I can look back today and know that His plan was better. Romans 8:28 isn't just a cliche verse but instead a glorious display of God's grace for us through Christ, His love for us, and that His intentions are ONLY good.

I look around this sewing room and see 6 garments hanging. 6 garments I designed and created for a fashion show on Sunday with all proceeds going directly to Clothed in Hope. This by itself is a miracle but I look to those 6 hangers and just see God's faithfulness to my heart. I'm not deserving, I'm not worthy of this. But rather God loves me, and is entrusting me to care for His children, the widows, the orphans of Zambia. And He's equipping me with every skill I need for this journey. Many times I get caught up in "how" when it comes to a difficulty but then I just look back to see HOW God has made a way!

He receives all the glory. It's all His.

hard

It's hard. It's extremely hard to receive news that Ng'ombe is out of water, that the people I think about and pray for daily are thirsty. The situation is life-threatening. It's not just a power outage or a flat tire. It's a water outage. The substance that provides and sustains life. My heart shatters when I think about the little ones so thirsty, walking miles to try to find a place to fill up their water cans, skipping school to do so. My heart aches for the women who are facing the reality of the situation, trying to keep hope alive in their families. Maybe this doesn't really resonate with many people. But try thinking of this being your family. Because it's mine. And it's God's.

I just received this text from my dear friend, Elina, this morning: "Ng'ombe is out of water and to make matters worse, the borehole is not working today. they need to repair it. i don't know when."

The desperation, the pain, the helplessness. I'm not there and I haven't lived through it so I can't pretend to know how it feels. But God has given me a compassionate heart for these people. When they hurt, I hurt. But most importantly- when they hurt, He hurts.

In a situation like this, all I can do is pray. There is no solution except for God.

Will you take a moment to just pray?

undeserving

Driving back from visiting a friend at UF yesterday, my mind had it's fair share of wandering throughout the 6 hour journey alone, with a broken iPod and an exhausted bunch of CD's. As I looked around I flashed back to 4 short months ago living in Ghana and visiting Zambia for a short while too. The differences are incredible. I've become numb to many of them (although passengers probably won't say the same from my overly-defensive driving at times due to the one-too-many accidents I was in this summer). Here's just a snapshot of differences that I can't quite get over yet:

1. Rather than dodging goats, people, cows, children, etc. my peripheral only has to focus on a stray deer or turkey on the side of the highway.
2. The personal space during travel is insane. I get a whole car to myself?! Far too different from sitting on stranger's laps in order for the minibus drivers to make a few extra cents.
3. I don't have to go into panic-mode at police checkpoints, fearing their corruption. This is huge.
4. Though personal space is a plus, it's impossible for me to travel on a 6 hour trip on just $10. But that's the price I pay for not having to change busses/cars over 5 times.
5. I get to pull of the highway, drive through and get a hot meal in a matter of minutes, free of worry about the condition of the food. I'm learning how to trust food again, after learning that the kebobs sold on the side of the road aren't beef or pork but are actually dog or some version of road kill. That'll make you lose your appetite.

These are all blessings. Things we overlook or take advantage of. Things I take for granted so many times. But what makes me different from an African besides where I was born and what family I was born into? Nothing. I'm completely undeserving of any blessing. I'm sinful and I'm broken. But still God chooses to lavish me with grace through no other means than Christ. Let's open our eyes to grace today. Let's cultivate thankful hearts.

jeremiah

Google "Jeremiah" and it'll try to guess which verse you want. And it'll guess that you're looking for Jeremiah 29:11.
{For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.}
Doesn't this say something about our culture as Westerners? The verse it guesses for us in Google is one of stability, long-term planning, addressing the issue of control. It's not wrong. It's pretty spot-on actually. Being back in America, I fall into this long-term thinking, worrying about the future rather than looking to what God wants for me today. It's so easy to get wrapped up in planning the future that I so often fail to let God plan my day.

When in Ghana, a Ghanaian and I were talking about the Bible and our favorite verses. He started the conversation with "Jeremiah..." and before he could finish I shouted out "29:11 right?!" He was confused and just let out a simple "no, it's not." He opened a Bible on an end table and read Jeremiah 33:3. {Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.}

Do I live in this sort of desperation? When everything is seemingly provided for me, or when I think that I provide for myself, how can my heart be calling out to Jesus? Africans have to live in this day-to-day uncertainty, clinging to a side of God that we rarely get to witness here in America due to our cluttered and overwhelming lifestyles. The God who provides, protects, answers, draws close, the God who LOVES.

Today, I pray for a desperate soul, one that cries to Jesus daily, one that stops looking months ahead and instead just looks up.