truth

After weeks of silence from this blog, I think I’ve finally pinpointed one of the biggest difficulties for me coming back to the US enough for me to put it into words. It isn’t having to go on a gluten-free diet (although the Frito-flavored cereal sure is something). It isn’t the clutter of media that seems to dictate our lives. It isn’t our materialistic lifestyle. It isn’t going from isolation to being surrounded by so many people I know. It isn’t the shift of my work (though that is quite a biggie).

No, it’s not those things.

Rather, it’s fighting to see the Truth of life amidst so many distractions, stressors, frustrations and fleeting happiness.

There are so, so many moments where I’ve just curled up in a ball on the armchair, tuning out the overwhelming responsibilities of life with TLC. I may or may not have just had one of those moments, this time with a Chai Latte in hand.

But something inside me fights for more, something that wants to be heard.

I shut down when things go crazy. Right now things seem pretty crazy. We just came off of an insane election season, where social media has blown everything up. I’ve returned thinking everything will be the same, but 3 months have passed. CiH staff is in huge transition, and seemingly greatly decreasing when we could use anything but that. We need $70,000 for 2013 operations and for a great need that requires $25,000 in January (which will be announced tomorrow). I don’t know where I’ll be living in January, nor do I have my ticket booked yet. Plans and communication with Zambian operations get pretty funky some days. The tune sounds pretty familiar, huh? Yet I still trap myself in these things, in the logistics, the practicalities of how to fix it all.

But what about Truth?

I’ve been blessed with an incredibly supportive family to be here for me in this season. I’ve stood beside my best friend with tear-filled eyes as she joyfully married her prince this past weekend. I’ve laughed harder than I have in months with great friends who have been there for me, even 6,000 miles away. I enjoyed a great birthday surprise and wonderful moments with the best boyfriend.

But what about Truth?

The Truth is, it isn’t about a weighing and balancing of bad and good. It doesn’t matter if I spin my mind to outweigh the really bad with all of these great things.

What matters is that Jesus died for me so that I could live in Him, today, this moment, in America. His love covers all fears and anxiety. Through grace, His love for me doesn’t ever change. I am complete in Him. The price has already been paid. The Truth is that this life isn’t really about me and my struggles at all; it’s about God receiving the glory from my life.

Jesus, let that Truth soak on in.