different

This summer will be different from any other. By far.

We had a pretty major delay in DC before taking off to Accra, Ghana last night. Sitting on that plane for a solid 10 and a half hours gave me plenty of time to think. What am I doing? How will this summer look? What will the people be like? What will my room look like? What if it's not at all what I expected? For some reason I started to compare this trip to Zambia last summer. Which isn't fair at all but I did. So I looked around the airplane at the other group of American college students on missions together with a tinge of jealousy but mostly sadness. Last year this time I was meeting the group that would remain some of my best friends even a year down the road. I got off the airplane looking for Larry or some sort of person for guidance but nope. It's just me. I waited for my bags and only one came. I waited and waited and waited and just wanted to sit down on the ground and wait for someone to come to my rescue.

It was in that moment of complete helplessness that it hit me. The Holy Spirit hit me I should say. This summer I have no idea what will happen. I didn't even have the power to bring one bag in to the baggage claim in order for me to meet my boss over 2 hours late from when I was supposed to be there. For my controlling, over-organized self, it wasn't good. But it actually so is because in that moment I realized that this will be the way my whole summer will be. I have no say in what will happen, what won't happen, what I'll learn, the people I'll be living with, etc etc etc. I do, however, have one constant. One who will never be un-reachable, One who wants good for me, One to be my best friend, One to be my rescuer from awkward or strange situations, One who is always and will always be there. Most of all One who loves me more than I can ever love Him. What a blessing. So it's taken me a few hours to pray through this (which I've done more of in the past 24 hours than in a looong time) but I'm confident in this summer. Not because it'll be easy or it'll feel super fuzzy or that I'll be enriched with Christian teaching but because I need to be stripped of my overly-independent nature and God wants that for me this summer. He wants me to fall to His feet in recognition that I have ZERO control over ANYTHING that happens here or anywhere else.

I was reading "Compelled by Love" by this incredible missionary Heidi Baker on the plane just before I landed in Accra and she was praying to be poor in spirit. She went on to explain that poor in spirit just recognizes our need for a Savior, our admitting that we don't have it all together and that apart from Him we cannot do anything. I pray this too for this summer and for every day of life. To be wholly dependent on God not just for desperate needs but for the little moments too. He wants to sweep me off my feet and show me His incredible love for me. Why deny that?!

I forgot to mention that the bag did come. Only by the grace of God. And I was carrying materials for the nonprofit I'm working for, technically a "mule," and out of the 100 people going through customs the same time, only me and about 3 other people got waved through for no checks. Grace.

So maybe this summer won't be filled with late-night talks of sharing how God's wrecked our lives and brought us back together. Maybe it's not going to be sharing a room with 4 best friends who are head over heels in love with the Lord. Maybe it's not being cold in my linen pants but instead never stopping sweating. Maybe it's not crying with a Zambian as she dies to herself and decides to live for Christ for the rest of her life. Maybe it's not holding an orphan as she shivers during the night. Maybe it's not being lead by the most wise and godly mentors. Maybe it's not being protected by godly men. Maybe it's not making homemade cookie dough with just sugar, butter, and chocolate chips. Maybe it's not living this lifestyle of talking about God in every conversation.

But it's okay.

Those are just events, just happenings. They all still revolve around the One constant. And I'm blessed to still be able to serve that One here in Ghana. I'm blessed to be able to carry the name of Christ in this place. I'm blessed to be able to expand my knowledge to prepare me for the practical business side of Clothed in Hope. I'm blessed to be stretched. Perhaps I didn't voice them but upon arrival I realized I came with big fears and anxieties about this summer. But the more alone time I have here, the more I spend time just enjoying prayer, the more I realize that my "problems" or worries aren't big. My God is.