Faithful

So instead of writing about why I'm picking up with blogging again I think I'll just kick it off. The purpose of this one is to share what God is doing in and around me. It'll expose my heart, it'll share joys, and it may even challenge you in your own walk with the Lord. My only prayer is that through this is that God will be glorified.

My other blog (which you can view from my user profile thing) is all about Africa. It was basically my journal from my summer project to Zambia, Africa last summer- the place where I left pieces of my heart, the place that never leaves mine. I'm reminded of all God did there daily, even hourly as my room may even be overly African-ized with little trinkets and photos from the journey. I reflect back to one of the most challenging summers but the summer that I was able to experience the sweetest intimacy with my Jesus. But usually it stops there. I end my daydreaming (dayreflecting?) with a smile on my face and a thankful heart.

Except that today was different. I was attempting to take a nice afternoon nap on this gorgeous January-in-South-Carolina day, sunny and 65 (guess I should've been outside huh?), when I looked up at my photo collage on my wall. Kinda hard to describe but on one of my chitenges (fabric for a skirt wrap, etc) is a collage of my favorite photos from the trip. It's basically the focal point of my room so it's not out of the ordinary that I just stop to stare at it. I look at all the faces of the orphans, all of the gorgeous sunsets, and even cherish seeing the faces of the other students on my team, so thankful that our community still thrives 6 months later. Today. Today I looked up and didn't see all this. I just saw one face. It even felt like I made eye contact with this particular child and I just wept.

This child's name is Mary. I have basically an entire entry devoted to my interactions with her as she touched my heart in a way like never before. This small child, maybe around 7, carries her baby brother on her back from "morning to night" with no shoes on her feet and the same tattered clothing day after day. She's incredibly shy but her smile is enough to light up the entire village. It took a few weeks at Deborah Orphanage (zambiahope.com) in order for me to really start connecting with her. She craved love, she craved just someone to hold her close. Usually Mary would come find me halfway through the day to stand by me and hold my hand. But the last day we were there I slowly walked up to the orphanage, upset that it was our last time seeing these children, wanting to be alone. A few steps off the bus and I feel a hand grab mine. A little hand, calloused and dirty, grabbed mine. No words of greeting, no words spoken at all. I just look down to see Mary with a grin on her face as she's pulling my arm closer to her body.

This is the Mary that shook up my life that trip, and did the same for me today. Tear-filled eyes, I sat there frustrated, confused, hurting for this little girl. Where is she now? What does she do? Does she still have to care for her baby brother all day long? Who is there to love her? Has she outgrown her tattered clothes? Does she eat? It hurt me so badly to not be able to be there for Mary. I felt like I had abandoned her. But God. Don't most incredible statements begin like that? But God. God stepped in and showed me the reality of my feelings. Showed me mercy and grace in that moment. I'm just one person. I can't save the world. At age 21, it's unrealistic for me to adopt a little girl and her baby brother from Zambia and sustain them on my own. It appears that I can't even save one/two lives from extreme poverty. But God can.

In that moment of weakness I was reminded of a verse that's hung so heavily on my heart since I've been back, for a variety of different reasons. Africa never being one of them though. Hebrews 10:23 reads, "Let us hold unswervingly to the HOPE we profess, for HE who PROMISED is FAITHFUL." Now there's a whole lot packed into that sentence. But for me today, God wanted to remind me through this that He's got it. He PROMISES in His Word to protect them, to comfort the orphans. Psalm 34:6 says, "The poor man cried and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles." And Psalm 68:5 "A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling." And Isaiah 41:10, "So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." God has PROMISED this HOPE for Mary in His Word. So according to Hebrews 10:23, and the rest of the Bible for that matter, I can believe that He will be faithful to carry out these promises.

I'm not called to worry about Mary, to stay up at night fearing for her life. I'm called to trust that God's plan is sovereign, that He's protecting her & her brother Thomas. And I'm called to pray my guts out. Through the tears is motivation to pray. It's become evident lately just how incredibly powerful prayer is, and what an expression of grace it is that Jesus makes it possible for us to approach THE God, our Maker, our Sustainer, our Creator, etc etc etc in prayer.

Stop for a second. Maybe you didn't cry over looking at a starving child's face today. Maybe you did. But I do know of something every single one of us has done today, probably a billion times today. And that's worry. Live in fear about some uncertain situation. But reflect on the promises of God! He will the FAITHFUL to carry them out! Now what's there to worry about when the God of the Universe says that He's got it?

All this for His glory.